Post sexual-intercourse survey

January 27, 2013 at 3:24 pm Leave a comment

Thank you for sharing last night with me. In order to improve the quality of future experiences for yourself and others, please fill in this short survey. I highly value your feedback; any comments, suggestions, or ideas are always appreciated.
 
1. What were the circumstances leading up to the event?
  • I’m your girlfriend/wife
  • You texted me at 2am
  • We met at Revolver and I was impressed by your dance moves
  • RSVP.com
  • You said God will forgive me of my confessions if I did it, father.
2. What level of intoxication were you prior to intercourse?
  • Sober
  • Tipsy
  • Maggot
  • Bloody maggot
  • Did we have sex last night?
3. How adequate was the length of foreplay time?
  • Downing 6 pints of lager whilst watching the footy isn’t foreplay
  • You pulled me over and wrote me a speeding ticket…is that what you’re calling foreplay now?
  • I didn’t have enough time to get warmed up
  • I memorised the mould patterns on your ceiling
4. What positions did we perform? Tick all that apply.
  • Missionary
  • Doggie
  • Cowgirl
  • Angry Pirate
  • The Alaskan Snow Dragon
  • Upside Down Bus Driver™
  • The Vietnamese Rice Farmer™
5. How would you describe my penis length:
  • Hardly touched the sides
  • I don’t think it should curve around like that, you’d better see a doctor
  • Tolerable
  • Satisfying
  • Mind blowingly enormous
  • I’ve temporarily lost the ability to walk
6. What was the length of our love-making time?
  • About the same length as a Woolworths tv commercial
  • The best 2 minutes of my life
  • Appropriately timed
  • We could have watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in the same amount of time
7. How satisfied were you with my pillow talk?
  • You put the Italians to shame
  • You made me feel an odd mixture of princess and Kardashian
  • You called me the wrong girl’s name
  • Please don’t ever mention cricket scores again
8. How likely are you to tell anyone about last night?
  • I’m never mentioning last night to anyone as I’m mortified
  • I’m slightly embarrassed
  • It’s already on Facebook
  • I’m recommending all my friends give you a call

9. Overall, how satisfied were you with my performance?

  • I can’t believe I stooped to that level
  • It was just what I expected
  • I haven’t been able to sit down at all today
  • Can I have my $200 now please?

10. Please write down any further comments you may have that will improve the experience. 

 

 

 

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

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