Posts tagged ‘fake tan’

Why you shouldn’t apply too much fake tan

Tanorexia Nervosa

Tanorexia nervosa is a psychological disorder characterized by obsessive repeated self-tan application. The terms tanorexia and ‘female with self esteem issues’ are often used interchangeably [citation needed], however tanorexia is simply a medical term for spending over 25% of one’s disposable income on tanning products. Tanorexia nervosa has many complicated implications and may be thought of as a lifelong illness that may never be truly cured, but only managed over time.

The average self-tanning application intake of a person with tanorexia nervosa is one 400ML bottle of Le Tan Bronze per day, but extreme cases of complete obsessive tanning are common. A person suffering from this condition is commonly referred to as a Fucking Mental Nut Bag [citation needed].

While it can affect men and women of any age, race and socioeconomic and cultural background, anorexia nervosa occurs in the media and advertising industry at an alarming level of 65 times the normal population. It is a serious mental illness most common in countries including Australia, USA, Canada, Britain and New Zealand. Incidences of the condition are relatively low in Africa, sufferers are often labelled ‘Afritans’.

While tanorexia nervosa is quite commonly (in lay circles) believed to be a woman’s illness, it should not be forgotten than 3 per cent of people with anorexia nervosa are male. The rate of the disorder is disproportionally high amongst AFL players.

There are 4 known common forms of the disorder:

Tanorexia moleski is the most common form of the illness, affecting 83% of all tanorexia sufferers. After excessive self-tanning applciation, sufferers usually resemble the output of a cross pollination experiment between Oprah Winfrey and a butternut pumpkin.

Tanorexia sweatalotakis is a variation of tanorexia moleski and is most commonly found amongst exercise enthusiasts and people with a BMI greater than 30. Perspiration ‘rivers’ often trickle down a sufferer’s neck resulting in a neck that resmbles ridges and valleys on the surface of Mars if it had an atmosphere.

Tanorexia orasian is a form of the disorder common amongst Asian populations. Sufferers often commit the mistake of purchasing self-tan products designed for Anglo-Caucasian skin. A sufferer’s resulting skin appearance closely matches the colour and texture of a valencia orange.

Tanorexia rangatan is a form of the illness suffered by red heads. Let’s face it, ranga’s weren’t designed to sport tans. Just give up already.

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February 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm Leave a comment