Posts tagged ‘Lily Allen’

10 Things The Modern Man Doesn’t Understand

Unfortunately for my sanity today, I left my book at home. Subsequently, I had to face my morning commute with nothing to do except ponder the meaning of life (fishing), eavesdrop on conversations, and stare at the vandalism that brain-dead youths with short-man syndrome inflicted on the carriage walls.

Ever the list maker and inspired by the conversation between two females discussing the strengths and weaknesses of Loreal compared to Nivea, I formed the following list of 10 Things The Modern Man Doesn’t Understand:

  1. Desperate Housewives. Add to that Sex In The City and Gray’s Anatomy. Face it – we don’t care about Carrie’s latest boyfriend’s sleeping habits and we certainly don’t want to discuss it. We’re only watching this because we’re trying to gain nookie points. We’d much rather be watching the Monday Night Football.
  2. Women’s Adversity to Football. Rugby League, Soccer, AFL, Traditional Iberian 3-Legged Football – whatever your footy code, the chances are your missus would rather snort chili powder than spend 2 hours watching your team on the tele.
  3. Lily Allen. She’s not ‘cute’, can’t sing and pretends to be white trash. To my horror, Triple M (traditionally a rock station) is ‘diversifying’ (i.e. becoming gay), and playing Lily Allen once an hour.
  4. Reality TV. Seriously, on behalf of all society – please treat us with some kind of intellectual respect. “Coming up in Big Brother. The housemates’ game of Rock, Scissors, Paper has driven Ang to tears. She tells us all about this terrifying experience in the Diary Room.”
  5. Ugly Babies.  You know the type. The screaming, wrinkly little bundles of venom that are pushed around the shopping centre which all women within a 5m radius will inevitably ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at.  They’re not cute. In fact they resemble over sized scrotum’s.
  6. Short Hair On Women. You’ll either look like a lesbian or a chai-latte drinking arts student who can’t afford the chai-latte she’s drinking. The same goes for fringes – you know the type that Lily Allen has made ‘fashionable’. Definitely not attractive. It looks stupid.
  7. Emoticons. Smily faces 🙂 Tongue pokey faces 😛   If you are a pimply 15 year old (or have the emotional intelligence of one), fine. For everyone else, not fine.
  8. Why Women Don’t Understand Fishing. Men have traditionally been hunters and providers. Fishing with our mates is in our instinct (and bragging about who was the biggest ‘provider’ at the pub afterwards).
  9. Bright Red Lips and Blue Mascara. It’s not classy. You’ll look like a twenty-dollar hooker. Don’t believe me? If a man bought you twenty-dollar’s worth of drinks at the bar, having this ‘look’ will make him assume you’ll sleep with him. Either that or you’ll look like Lily Allen.
  10. Gen Y’ers That Talk Like They’re From the O.C. Like, you know…that’s like SO not cute.

April 16, 2009 at 10:05 pm 3 comments